About: 
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I'm a boring 21 years old girl living in a small but beautiful city -- Yogyakarta. Currently starting her career in a big corporate as a Creative Marketing Associate; trying to get through life one day at a time.
You Asked for This


I decided to write what you asked me to; to write about us. I told you before I had no idea how to start but I believe it's more of 'I'm too lazy to start to write' kind of phase. But what the hell, I can't sleep right now so I might as well start to write about us. First of all, I have no idea what I should put in the story; how to start, what to write, which part is good enough to explain what I mean. So I will just tell it to you now, if this turns out to be lousy, I'm sorry. You know that I am not the greatest writer who can easily collect good words and make it a one hell of a story. But I love you, whatever I write down after this, that's what I'm trying to explain.

2006.
It wasn't really love at first sight, but I could tell that you were such an interesting lad. Your well-build body for a 15 year old boy was a good sight to caught. I wasn't surprise when my best friend liked you, you seemed smooth and smart, that was enough for a puppy love to grew. You must remember how fast it was to claimed us as a couple; a yahoo messenger conversation that supposed to be a joke turned out to be a trap to a crazy 'years-to-come' love story that we didn't plan at all.

This I can say, you were the first guy I held hands with wherever I go. I suppose that should mean something to begin with. As for now, I always think that those small moments were the times I know of growing up with you. You are my many firsts; and when I say many, I mean, many. I wasn't a good catch, I knew that well enough, and still we went on with this super childish relationship with years of painful stupidity. Cheats and revenges pretty much sums up what we called love; but in every second of it, we build chemistry like no other living things in the universe did.

 My, all those nasty things happened in between our times together, I don't want to put it in this story. I think it's best to keep it to ourselves; few of those stories I already managed to put far far faaaar away in the back of my head because it's too unimportant to remember.

 2007.
My first time of fearing to be far from the one person that I wanted to be with the most. Our 3 years differences forced us to be parted from each other when you went to high school. But I also happy for the fact that this year was the first time I met your sweet big family. I remember how we sat down next to each other just before days you were going to spend your 3 months orientation. With my iPod playing our favorite song, earphones plugged to each of our ears, we just sat there holding hands. "Oh, It Is Love" by Hellogoodbye, the first love song I shared with a boy. I didn't want to leave that place, and surely, I didn't want you to stay there. I liked spending my Saturdays and Sundays with you; going to the mall, to our friends' place, to places where we just spent our days together, close to each other. That was the first time I saw you cry. You told me how you didn't want to be there, but we both know there was nothing much to do. So we held each other and gave a sweet kiss. And we said goodbye.

 Those 3 months of waiting I wasted with disappointing you. I'm not proud of it even to this day. It hit me hard when I finally see your face after 3 months and we broke up. But it didn't hit me hard enough to learned my lesson and almost lost you for good. Anyway, you are reading this so you must know the story I meant, and I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry about my bad habit of disappointing you, over and over again.

 Years to come after this, it was a super bumpy road all the way. But whatever I went through, being with you is the most possibly comfortable way. People always told me how it wasn't right to always try to fix what we have. Believe me, I might have tell you this times and times already, there were times I gave up on us. But this feeling of comfort I only find with you keeps me coming back to you. Whether it's in good or messy condition, you are always my number one option throughout everything.

 2010.
You graduated from high school and you were back to the city. Funny, when I wrote this, Adhitia Sofyan's song called "You're In Town" is playing. And here the lyrics said, "I heard the news that you're in town, well that explains the big grey sky.."
I was scared to my nerves knowing that you could be anywhere near me now, just like 3 years ago when we first met. The fear of easily seeing you fell in love with anyone else but me.. You know what I meant, right? I bet you do. My fear was as huge as a Godzilla it would ruin me to pieces. You still got your touch with getting the girls you want, I was still impress as I was when I knew you for the first time.

 And as for me, you know I was busy filling my self up to get rid of you from my mind. Here comes the part where I moved on. One guy that overcame all of your perfection in my head, I mentioned you this. But every beautiful thing has its thorn, the perfect guy would never existed if my comfort is still nicely kept deep inside of you. So we go on to another roller-coaster ride; I didn't move on. My stepping back was easy, having you around me so much like you used to bring back my smile and joy.

 2012.
The year of finally got our grip on each other. I felt like I grew up exactly I wanted to; with you. Roads took me all over the place but always ended up in front of your beautiful face. How could I ever leave you? All of those years of my stupidity played inside my head like a huge tornado. My first step was to forgive myself. I did, and so I go on with the things I want to finish. Sort things out and I was ready to let myself to you completely.

 2013.
Everything goes well, don't you think?
With you, everything is easy. To wake up and to have a purpose. I find it easy to write beautiful words for you, of course. Despite of the little things I find lousy about you, I still love you like I always do. I've never been easy to love, I know that, but your patience and kindness cures me little by little. After long time of searching how the best way I explain my way of loving, here's what I can give you, I took this from Haruki Murakami book I always carried when I'm with you, the Norwegian Wood. This is the conversation between the 2 characters, Midori & Watanabe:
     "...I'm looking for selfishness. Perfect selfishness. Like, say, I tell you I want to eat strawberry shortcake. And you stop everything you're doing and run out and buy it for me. And you come back out of breath and get down on your knees and hold this strawberry shortcake out to me. And I say I don't want it anymore and throw it out the window. That's what I'm looking for."
     "I'm not sure that has anything to do with love," I said with some amazement.
    "It does," she said. "You just don't know it. There are times in a girl's life when things like that are incredibly important."
     "Thinks like throwing strawberry shortcake out the window?"
     "Exactly. And when I do it, I want the man to apologize to me. 'Now I see, Midori. What a fool I've been! I should have known that you would lose your desire for strawberry shortcake. I have all the intelligence and sensitivity of a piece of donkey shit. To make it up to you, I'll go out and buy you something else. What would you like? Chocolate mousse? Cheesecake?'"
     "So then what?"
     "So then I'd give him all the love he deserves for what he's done."
     "Sounds crazy to me."
    "Well, to me, that's what love is. Not that anyone can understand me, though." Midori gave her head a little shake against my shoulder. "For a certain kind of person, love begins from something tiny or silly. From something like that or it doesn't begin at all."
Do you get what I mean from what I wrote up there? It's simple really; if you can give yourself out, your 100% to me; listen to my tiniest voice, see all of my little moves; I give it back to you more than you can imagine. This is the 'help-me-help-you' part that I always try to do. I should put this up as our motto: What a terrible thing it is to wound someone you really care for-- and to do it so unconsciously. (Yes, I took this from the same book, too. I'm actually obsessed.) So let's never wound each other, better to not do it unconsciously.

 We still got a long way to go, but the future is in our hand. I want us to move to the same future, so let's hold hands and fall more in love; let's learn to live with each others' bad side and also fall in love with it; let's broke the rules and annoy everyone around us and prove them wrong; let's do it, together. And might as well, forever. I'm sorry if I go far over the line sometimes; I’m an egotist, but I’m not selfish. There’s a difference. I’m a neurotic, I guess. I can’t stop thinking about myself. It isn’t that I think myself so important. I simply can’t think about anything else, that’s all.

 I love you, and the list goes on and on. You are my biggest support system, you know how messed up I am. But to cry in your arms and have you comforting me is enough to make me stay. I quit fooling around, I have everything I need in you. You know how I hope you do the same, too. My honesty goes so far for you, so believe me, I am completely yours. This is one way I do to show you how much I love you. But I don't think it is enough yet. Anyhow, one day I will find the right words, and they will be simple.

 Be my someone who, 10 years from now, makes my heart jump when I hear his key in the door.


Until then,
Dedicated to my one and only, Bian

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