There's no point to any of this. It's all just a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes.So I take pleasure in the details & put it on a story.
I'm a boring 21 years old girl living in a small but beautiful city -- Yogyakarta. Currently starting her career in a big corporate as a Creative Marketing Associate; trying to get through life one day at a time.
Find something you love; and let it kill you.
To put your trust in someone, is like handing someone a knife that would slit your throat anytime they wish.
I never believed in anyone but myself, and as far as I'm concerned, until now I still believe in me and myself only. Even the closest people in my life only gets to the point where I let them just be in it. I find it hard to trust even the slightest thing, the simple thing. It's as if I would be damaged for life if I ever trust anything in this life. I don't know how this happened, I'm still searching for the reason that I believe happened years ago.
Today I asked myself, what is the point of keeping someone so close if you don't even trust them? I was so angry at myself that all I can do is cry. I never trusted people who said that crying isn't a sign of weakness. Of course it is a sign of weakness, because your heart clench; you feel like something is slowly pushing your heart, it hurts. It hurts when you cry. And when you are hurt, you are weak.
I remember making list of rules for me that I silently applied to everyone that I care about. I trust them, but then again, it's not possible to fix other people. This made me realize how I will always be hard on trusting things. Should I, or should I not go on with this rule I made, I have no idea.
So today I tell myself to believe me, and only me for the rest of my life. At least until someone would be brave enough to say, "this is good. This is right. I will try to gain your trust in whatever way possible."
Whoever that is, please come quick. I don't want to make any stupid decisions. I want to end up okay.
